Meditation and Sexuality


I’ve always been a wanna-be psychic. As a child I devoured Sylvia Brown books, wished I could read auras and visited all my past lives in Atlantis. I loved mermaids and even practiced Wicca for a few months in middle school. As I got older my love for Sylvia Brown fell to the wayside and I kept the weirdo sh*t at a minimum. Spirituality was only for “awakened people” and I had a lot pushed to the back of my mind.

Meditation is defined as the action or practice of profound spiritual or religious reflection or contemplation. When I started to learn to meditate it was more like the act of trying to sit still for five whole minutes. I didn’t know how I was supposed to breathe and I didn’t know how I was supposed to sit still. I sure as heck didn’t know what I was supposed to be thinking about. A lot of the time GAYGAYGAY would run across my mind, but I had to push it away. I bought a bunch of books to learn how to meditate, channel, and ascend. I tried to connect with my spirit guides and watched new age spiritual material often. I subscribed to all of the spiritual teachers on Youtube that spoke to me and I even did yoga.

I REALLY wanted to come into my spirituality. But my gayness also wanted to bloom, if I had one I had to have the other. But I kept on resisting. Everybody I knew was awakening, but I didn’t know how. I felt like I was left in the dust. I had tried everything. I knew in my heart that there were secrets holding me back. There were things that I had to accept before I could fully embrace my spiritual awakening.

I knew I had been gay for a while, I was introduced to the idea that I could be queer by Jasika Nicole. I didn’t know a girl could be femme, brown, and queer. Even though that’s exactly what I was. I “discovered” I was queer while watching Adventure Time, I came to the realization that Marceline the Vampire Queen and Princess BubbleGum were ex-lovers. All of a sudden life made sense. I still didn’t fully understand my sexuality and I didn’t know what to label myself.

Was I a lesbian? Bisexual? Pansexual? Did I need a label? How could I come out without a label? This realization laid on my heart for a long time. I was finally able to say “I am gay.”
outloud, but I wasn’t able to accept that I was in fact gay gay gay.

One fateful night the urge to meditate was coming on strong. So I found a guided meditation, propped myself on some pillows, and started to breathe deeply. The meditation was about
connecting with spirit guides and visiting a crystal temple. In essence it had nothing to do with my queerness, but it sent me on the path to accepting myself. While laying down three-quarters through the meditation I felt a ball of white light enter my chest. It was strange, because that’s never happened before. I didn’t even see the ball I just felt it.

I felt my woowooness increase by twelve levels and my gayness by five thousand. In that moment I fully accepted myself, I felt warm, fuzzy, and gay. I felt so good!

While I always wished I would meditate and all of a sudden start seeing auras, ghosts, or grey aliens that never happened. But this was truly the best supernatural experience yet.